


Shadow of the Past

by Aelia1980



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Character Death, Crime, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non AU, Rape, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-21 08:42:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30019152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelia1980/pseuds/Aelia1980
Summary: A murder on set reveals not only Jensen's biggest secret, but makes him the prime suspect of the crime. While Jared is adamant to prove his best friend's innocence, he uncovers dark spots in Jensen's past. Will the events rip the friends apart or bring them even closer together?
Relationships: Genevieve Cortese/Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles/Danneel Harris, Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 14
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t know Jared, Jensen or anyone else mentioned in this story. This is a work of fiction, written for “entertainment” and certainly not to hurt mentioned characters. I just borrowed their names, jobs, a bit of their background and invented so much more. Nothing mentioned in this fiction ever happened. 
> 
> A/N #1: This is an old / new fic. Old, because I wrote it years and years ago, yet never posted it. I post it as a WIP, because, while it’s roughly finished, I still need to add a chapter or two at the end of the story. 
> 
> A/N #2: While this is tagged as a non-au - for Jared and Jensen being actors on Supernatural and set in Season 7 - everything else is pretty much AU. Especially all the - not so nice - revelations about Jensen’s teenage years are fictitious. Please keep this in mind while reading.

# 1

Shadows crept over the trailers and the faint moonlight, which seeped through the dark clouds once in a while, was barely enough for the man to see his hand in front of his face. The cold wind of a Canadian autumn night touched his cheeks and the fir trees swayed in rhythm, causing an eerie melody of groaning and croaking, with the soft rustle of leaves its background.

Jensen was alone and for all he knew, he could be the only human on earth, with the forest stretching for miles and miles, no artificial lights or sounds affecting his senses. He was far from a coward, but he felt weirdly vulnerable as he carefully made his way down the muddy and bumpy forest trail, nothing but darkness encasing him. A shiver ran down his spine as he thought what might hide in the shadows and despite the fact that Jensen was almost blind, with his eyes only slowly adjusting to the darkness, he quickened his pace.

He had not yet left the long row of trailers behind when a sound startled Jensen. Something other than the whistling wind, the occasional cry of a nocturnal animal or the steady sound of his boots on soil. Something that moved through the high grass and stepped onto a dry branch that broke beneath its weight. Jensen’s heart skipped a beat and in spite of the urge to run, he paused, listening into the night and straining his eyes to see what might hide in the darkness.

There was nothing. "Hello?" Jensen asked into the night, his voice sounding uncommonly weak. "Anybody here?" He felt like a fool, standing there in the middle of the forest and asking silly questions, with only the trees listening to him.

When there was nothing but a particularly heavy gust of wind ripping on the tress and his clothes, Jensen moved on as fast as the poor visibility conditions allowed, his car seeming more homey than ever before.

"Not so fast!" a deep voice demanded and a heavy hand fell onto Jensen’s shoulder, turning him around roughly to make Jensen face the tall, muscled man that was towering above him. "You didn’t think that you’d get away that easily, did you?" the other man asked sharply, placing his free hand widely on Jensen’s waist and holding on firmly.

Panic washed over Jensen and a lump grew in his throat, blocking it so that nothing but a gurgle escaped his lips. Even before he realized what was happening, the man shoved him into the narrow lane between the two trailers he had been coming from, slamming him hard against one of the trailer’s wall. "Now you pay, Jensen," he spat out, pinning the actor with one hand to the wall and using his free hand to rip his pants open.

The panic remained, in spite of the fact that Jensen knew the voice, had heard it talking like this for the past year. He knew what was to come and it made his legs weak and his stomach queasy. Jensen had to pay, like he had always had to pay in their relationship. With pain and humiliation, with sweat and blood. Nonetheless, Jensen couldn’t avoid heat spreading through his body and rushing into his loins as the huge hand tugged down his boxers and handled his cock roughly. No matter how cruel he was treated and how much a part of him struggled, in the end, Jensen was always just a man and reacted like one.

"How dare you laugh at me at front of everyone," the other man hissed, slapping Jensen. Not brutally enough for it to leave a mark on Jensen’s cheek that would certainly lead to awkward questions, but hard enough for the actor’s skin to burn. "How dare you humiliate me?"

Jensen groaned. He wanted to explain, but the other man jerked him off almost brutally, and the mixture of arousal, pain and humiliation that took hold of Jensen whenever that happened turned him into nothing than a whimpering, pleading and moaning mess whose legs slowly gave in.

"How dare you, you worthless scum?"

Jensen came as he sank into the long grass, the blades tickling his face and the cold and moisture stinging his skin. He didn’t feel it, though. All Jensen felt was his hips jerking and the rough hold of the other man, all he saw was his disgusted face when Jensen spilled his load all over him.

"You come on me?!" He slapped Jensen again, harder this time. "How often did I tell you that I hate," another slap, "this." With a face full of repulsion, he wiped off the cum that had hit his face with his sleeve, spitting on Jensen to get away the little that had spilled on his lips. "Your debts just went high sky, bastard!" He laughed cruelly, shoving Jensen to the ground and pinning him down.

Even if Jensen had wanted to fight, which he felt too weak for, he couldn’t. The man was a few inches taller than him, all muscled and the one time Jensen had tried to escape, it had not ended well, but in a shower of fists hailing down on him. Closing his eyes wasn’t an option either because he always saw it, always demanded of Jensen to look at him. Instead, Jensen forced himself to look right through his torturer, thinking of someone else, someone good instead.

It helped Jensen to choke down the scream that burned inside him when the other man entered him roughly, without any preparation. It helped him to sigh, whimper and groan, just like his torturer wanted him to. And it helped Jensen to ignore the pain, when sharp fingernails scratched his skin, rough fingers grabbed his balls or that ice-cold voice called him names.

Eventually, it was over, with the other man punching Jensen instead of kissing him as he pulled out and kicking him the moment he had gotten up. Despite the darkness, Jensen could see the cruel smile painted on the other man’s lips. "Tomorrow, you’ll pay again, Jensen," he said scornfully, kicking Jensen one last time before vanishing into the darkness.

Jensen moaned as he slowly got up, feeling a wave of dizziness wash over him. His body hurt, but worse than the pain was the shame. For accepting things as they were, for not fighting back, for not going away like he had wanted to in the past months. For being a pathetic weakling. "It’s you who will pay, bastard," Jensen whispered, promising himself that one day soon, he’d take revenge.

***

"Morning, Jen." Jared beamed broadly, gently bumping his fist into Jensen’s shoulder.

Jensen flinched, mumbling a quiet, "Morning, Jared," before huddling himself into the corner of the car Clif was now starting again and leading on its way to set.

"Jen? You okay?" Jared asked, his voice oozing with concern.

"Sure, man. Just tired," Jensen lied, yawning heartily to prove his words and closing his eyes, faking sleep. After what had happened in the night, Jensen just couldn’t look his friend in the eye and pretend that things were alright, when inside, Jensen was breaking, feeling stained and guilty.

Jared furrowed his brow, looking at his best friend and co-star questioningly and wondering not for the first time in the past few months what was wrong with Jensen. He seemed odd. Flinching at his touches, avoiding eye contact and sometimes only giving monosyllabic answers.

Sometimes, Jared wondered if it was maybe his fault. Since Tom had been born, Jared didn't have as much time for his best friend as before. His son was his top priority now and, Jared had to admit, he had showed it clearly, with spending all his free time with his offspring and not hanging out with Jensen anymore. People already suspected a fall out between the friends. He had heard the whispers and seen the questioning looks when Jensen had asked Jared to hang out and he had shaken his head no, admitting he would rather spend the evening with his son. Jensen’s disappointed face had always left a bad taste in Jared’s mouth, but they had grown up and their lives had changed. They weren’t bachelors and roommates any longer and Jared had other things in mind than his best friend. Yet, it didn’t mean that Jared had stopped to care. Jensen was still one of the most important people in Jared’s life, but Jared had not showed it much, and maybe, Jensen had drawn back because of it and had lost his faith in him.

The thought hurt Jared and seeing Jensen hurting caused a pain inside him as if he was stabbed by a blade. Exhausted and pale, with the crowfeet around Jensen’s eyes more prominent than ever before, he looked like a picture of misery. Something was bothering Jensen, burdening his mind and darkening his spirit. In a way, Jared hoped it really was just him because he could work on it. Work on being a better friend for Jensen again and on getting a bit of the old vibe back. If it was something else, Jared hoped that eventually, his friend would trust him enough to confide in him again.

Taking the blanket that was lying on the middle seat between them, Jared slid a little closer. "I’ve been wondering, Jen," Jared said as he spread out the blanked and put it over Jensen’s legs to keep him warm. "How about we spend one of the next weekends together? Just the two of us?"

A little sad smile flit over Jensen’s lips as he buried his fingers into the soft material of the blanket. "You sure of that? I don’t want to stand between Tommy and you, man."

"Absolutely sure," Jared said without hesitation. "And you don’t," Jared added, glad that Jensen still had his eyes closed and couldn’t see the guilt on his face. "I know I haven’t showed it lately, but you’re still my best friend, Jen. And it’s time to spend some time with you again. Haven’t done it for far too long. So, you want to come?"

Jensen knew, _he_ would let him pay. More and worse than ever before. But he just couldn’t say no. He missed Jared, their old friendship, the banter, the laughter, his company. Their closeness and those butterflies in his belly, despite the fact that those feelings scared him, too. Things had been difficult between them lately and maybe, a couple of days with Jared would bind them together again. "Sure I want to come." He finally opened his eyes, looking into Jared’s face that was lit up like a Christmas tree.

Suddenly, Jared was all over him, wrapping him into those long, strong arms. "Awesome! We’re going to have such a great time, man." The strong hold hurt Jensen’s mistreated body, but for once, he didn’t flinch, let himself encase in those warm arms and locking the moment into his heart. It’d give him strength for all the nights to come.

***

They were halfway to their destination when Clif’s cell was ringing. Jared didn’t think anything of it. Their driver was called all the time, getting information about shooting delays or schedule changes. This time though, something was different. His replies were as monosyllabic as usual, but there was a hint of urge and shock in them, and after a minute, Clif pulled over, as if he had to fully concentrate on the news instead of the traffic.

Jensen, who had fallen asleep thanks to the steady sound of the motor and the warmth of Jared’s body next to him, woke up, rubbing his eyes and looking as questioningly at his friend as Jared was looking at him. "What’s going on, Jay?" he asked tiredly, only to get a shrug in return.

"Don’t know. But I bet we’ll find out soon enough."

They had both fixed their eyes on their driver, but the music sounding from the radio was too loud for them to hear the voice sounding through the speaker and Clif’s face was as stern and unreadable as usual.

Finally, Clif disconnected his call, turning around and looking at the two actors. "There’s been a murder on set, boys," he announced without preamble, his voice grave. "Darren is dead. Stabbed with a knife. They found him in front of your trailer, Jensen."

Jensen’s heart stopped beating and all color was drained from his cheeks as the news slowly sank in. Someone was dead. On set. Murdered. Stabbed. In front of his trailer. Darren. He felt Jared’s and Clif’s eyes piercing him, but he didn’t really see them. All he saw was Darren. Cold eyes and a cruel smile. A massive body towering above him. Raw hands holding him firmly, causing so much pain. A cutting voice abusing him, humiliating him.

He was gone. Never again would Darren hurt and mistreat Jensen.

A shudder ran down Jensen’s spine, whether it was in shock or relief, he couldn’t tell. Black spots danced in front of his eyes, threatening to take Jensen over to unconsciousness and he was cold, so fucking cold, like a few hours earlier, when he had driven home, shivering uncontrollably. Only when he took in a deep breath and felt Jared’s warm hand on his chest, did Jensen relax a little. Just enough to chase the dark spots away and to find some composure.

"Jensen? You okay?" Jared knew it was a stupid question because obviously, his friend wasn’t okay. He was shocked about Darren’s death himself, but Jensen was pale like a ghost and looked as if he was close to faint.

Jensen ignored the question, too busy to calm down. He concentrated on Jared’s presence, on his own heartbeat, on each inhale and exhale he took until finally, he could utter a shaky, "Good, I’m good."

The younger actor didn’t believe it. The news had shaken his friend to the core and all his acting skills failed as Jensen couldn’t hide the storm of emotions on his face, some of which Jared couldn’t even read. Shock and sadness, yes, but something else, too and he just couldn’t name it, just thought it odd, under these circumstances. Jared shook it off. They all reacted differently to such news, and other than Jared, who had barely known Darren, Jensen had known the man a little better. They had been acquaintances, maybe even friends, and maybe, that’s why Jensen reacted like that.

"What now, Clif?" Jared asked, taking his hand off his friend’s chest and placing it on Jensen’s shoulder instead.

"Set’s a crime scene, so naturally, shooting is on hold," Clif explained. "The detectives expect your testimony, boys. Standard procedure," he added. "Everyone’s questioned."

Panic bubbled inside Jensen, slowly spreading though his body and knotting his guts as he realized what this meant. He had been with Darren before the crime had happened. Worse of all though, they had fucked. His prints were all over Darren’s clothes and his sperm was smeared over it. They’d find out his well kept secret. Just like that, with a simple test. For years, Jensen had hid this part of himself, too scared that it might ruin his career and friendships, and now it would be revealed, would probably even make the public.

A wave of nausea rolled over Jensen and he barely managed to open the security belt and door before he threw up on the side of the road, smutching his shoes. He was retching, coughing and groaning, feeling miserable, pathetic and scared, when another thought hit Jensen. They might even suspect him! He had seen enough crime shows to know that. His DNA all over Darren, he had no alibi, and worst of all, a motive; a relationship no one had known of, a relationship Jensen had wanted to get out for months because he had been horribly abused by the victim.

He shuddered violently and his knees gave in. Hadn’t it been for those strong arms that were suddenly wrapped around his waist, Jensen would have broken down, right into the disgusting puddle of puke. But they were holding him upright and the voice that was talking to him was soft and calming.

"Jen, it’s okay, man," Jared said, again and again, forcing his voice to sound calm, despite him being freaked out about his friend’s reaction. Why were the news unsettling Jensen so much? Sure, it was a horrible crime and scaring, but Jared hadn’t expected Jensen to be this confused. "It’s okay, Jen. Just breathe. Just breathe," he babbled, hoping it might help a little. Jared chanced a quick look at Clif, who was as useless as ever, standing there and watching the two friends, but even he looked surprised.

Jensen did what Jared told him, breathing in and breathing out. The nausea had almost subsided to a barely there bubble in his stomach when another thought hit Jensen like a bolt of lightning. Jared. His best friend for seven years. He had always been his confidante, yet, Jensen had never trusted Jared his biggest secret. Now though, Jared would find out. He’d be so disappointed. Like everyone else; his family, his friends, his fans. He’d lied to them, whenever he and Danneel -

Another wave of nausea stroke Jensen and he barely managed to turn his head away from his friend before throwing up again, nothing but bile now his stomach was empty. It burned in his throat and brought tears to his eyes. He tried to blink them away, but his lids felt heavy and there were just too many to fight and they ran over his face inexorably. He’d lose everything. "Oh God," he moaned when he realized what the future might hold for him.

What should he do now? Should he run away? Hide in the woods and live as an outlaw, hoping that the cops would never find him? Should he lay it on the line, telling Jared and the police, because they’d find out anyways? Should he deny everything and make things up, some crazy story of how his prints and sperm had found its way on Darren’s clothes and cock? No, no one would believe it. And since fleeing was no option, too, there was only one way. To be honest, give a statement about what he knew and hope that they’d believe him. Though why they should believe him, someone who had lied and hid such an important part of his life for years, Jensen didn’t know.

"Jensen." Jared’s worried voice sank into his mind. "What’s wrong with you? Talk to me, man."

Jensen knew he had to. Jared shouldn’t have to hear it from someone else. He had to tell him himself, Jared deserved that much. Slowly, Jensen got up, wiping his soiled hands on his pants and the tears from his face. He looked at Jared, at his warm eyes and kind face. He couldn’t tell him. But he had to.

Jared’s eyes were fixed on his friend, watching him closely. Something was odd here. Just not quite right. He had never seen Jensen like this. Anxious, upset, teary. He could count the times he had seen Jensen cry outside set on one hand and these were more than tears of sadness, Jared was sure of it. His friend was scared.

Did he maybe - No, Jared wouldn’t complete this thought. He knew that man. Inside and outside. There was nothing he didn’t know about Jensen. Never could he hurt someone like this. But he and Darren, something had been off yesterday, a fight or - Jared shook his head. No. No matter what had happened, Jensen would never ever do something like that. He was kind and sweet. Couldn’t hurt a fly. Jared felt a pang of guilt; how could he ever think something like that, even if it were just for a few moments? God, he was the worst best friend ever.

"Jared? There’s something I got to tell you," Jensen finally managed to press out between thin lips after watching a weird play of emotions on Jared’s face. What if he already knew? Knew that something wasn’t right? He really couldn’t wait. It was now or never.

Shaky legs carried Jensen away from the car and Clif, over to a cut, withered tree trunk, big enough for both of them to sit down. The cold and the wetness from the rotting bark seeped into Jensen’s pants and his skin but he ignored it. It was better than standing there awkwardly. Better for his weak legs and because he didn’t have to face Jared who was now sitting down next to him, so close that he could feel Jared’s warmth.

"There’s something about me you don’t know, Jay," Jensen started, chancing a quick look at his friend who was looking at him curiously, his eyes now widening a little. "I know I should have told you years ago, but -. Shit, it’s big." He swallowed hard, felt Jared’s eyes piercing him. "I’m gay, Jared."

The revelation hit Jared like a punch. Gay? His best friend? His Jensen? He couldn’t be. He was married for god’s sake! But even as this came to his mind, Jared knew that marriage was no proof for straightness. He himself was the best example; being bi, having chosen a girl instead of a boy simply because it was much easier in the business. But how could his gaydar have failed so miserably? Above all with his best friend? And why was Jensen -

"I never planned on people to find out," Jensen continued after a little pause, Jared’s face a mask of disbelief. "But Darren and I," Jensen moistened his lips, "we were in kind of a relationship. I was with him last night, Jared." He swallowed hard. "I might be in trouble."

Jared had not even fully processed the truth about Jensen being gay when the real hammer hit. His friend had been in a relationship with Darren? Worst of all, he had been with him the night before? Not sure what he should say, Jared just stared at the man he had believed to know as well as himself, only to find out that he didn’t know Jensen one bit. How could Jensen have withheld something like that? His sexuality, a boyfriend, worse of all, a fake marriage? How could he have lied to him all that time?

Disappointment took a hold of Jared like he had never felt it before and a part of him wanted to punch and shake Jensen, wanted to punish him for keeping this a secret, for not trusting him. He was one breath away from getting up and abandoning Jensen. Really abandoning him, erasing their friendship and everything what he had ever felt for him, those butterflies in his belly and his somersaulting heart, before he had fled into Genevieve’s arms to forget Jensen. Forget everything they had ever done, those days on set and those nights at home. It probably wasn’t worth a dime. If Jensen had lied to him about something as massive as his sexuality, who knew if Jensen had lied about their friendship, too? Maybe it had been all a facade?

Then though, the truth of Jensen’s last words sank in. He might be in trouble. He would be, Jared was sure of it. The evidence probably spoke against Jensen. And as much as the fuming and betrayed part of Jared didn’t care one bit and wanted Jensen to pay for his lie and betrayal, the stronger, better part of Jared, the part that cared and loved Jensen, prevailed. No matter what Jensen had withheld, the man was still his best friend. He needed him, now more than ever and he would be there.

He rubbed his hands over his face, releasing a long, shaky breath before looking at Jensen. He was pale. Shattered. Nervous. Scared. Biting his lips and playing with his trembling fingers. "Jay? Are we -"

"Not now, Jensen," Jared said, harsher than he intended to. He couldn’t talk about Jensen’s betrayal and most of all, couldn’t forgive it. At least, not now. But that didn’t mean that Jared would abandon Jensen in a time of need.

Jensen’s heart sank. He could tell, Jared was pissed. For one second, he had almost thought that his friend might punch him. Jensen would have deserved it. He had betrayed Jared’s trust and his friend had every right to be disappointed and angry. Yet, Jared was still there, sitting next to him, looking at him, even though his face was a stern mask.

"Do you have anything to do with Darren’s death, Jensen?"

It was a fair question, but it hurt that Jared even considered it. Yet, Jensen couldn’t blame him. After all those lies, with the gap between them now bigger than ever before, maybe even so big that they could never overcome it, it was probably a natural reaction. How could he expect Jared to trust him, if he hadn’t had enough faith in Jared to confide in him? "I swear I don’t, Jared."

Jared nodded. "You have to tell the cops everything you know. And pray that they believe you."


	2. Chapter 2

****

#  **2**

The interrogation room was sterile and uncomfortable. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Jensen was all alone, thirsty, sweaty and nervous, he would have almost believed it to be a set. It looked like one, but it was real, and other than some fictional character, Jensen was in real trouble now.

He had followed Jared’s advice, giving evidence, telling the cops about Darren and their relationship, only leaving out the tiny but significant detail about having been abused by him. He just couldn’t talk about this. It was just too private, made him feel humiliated and weak. The cop, an older man with a rough voice, had taken his prints and DNA sample before recording his testimony and Jensen could tell that he had not believed him, his stern face wearing a skeptical frown.

Then, the detective’s cell had rang and after a quick call, he had left Jensen without any further explanation. That had been what seemed hours ago and the longer Jensen had to wait, the more nervous he got. Why was he still here? He had told them everything he knew. Why was no one talking to him? What the hell was going on?

***

"What’s going on here?" Jared demanded to know, looking at Detective Rush who was in charge of the investigation. She was young, probably only a few years older than himself, tall, with long, dark wavy hair. "Why is Jensen still in there?" He pointed at the door leading to the investigation rooms where Jensen had vanished only moments after they had arrived at the police department.

"I’m sorry, Mr. Padalecki. Currently, I’m not authorized to give you any information. We’re still analyzing the evidence and my colleagues haven’t yet come back from searching Mr. Ackles’ place."

Jared’s heart skipped a beat. "Searching Jensen’s place? Why the hell -"

"Mr. Ackles is our main suspect, Mr. Padalecki," Detective Rush said neutrally, despite her own words about not being authorized to giving more information. "We found the murder weapon beneath Mr. Ackles’ trailer. It had his prints on it. That’s enough to give us a search warrant for his apartment"

All blood was drained from Jared’s cheeks and his legs were suddenly very weak. He stumbled over to the set of chairs in the waiting area, sitting down and hiding his face in his hands. Breathing hard, he collected his thoughts, tried hard to process the earth shattering information. This couldn’t be. Jensen wouldn’t -.

"I’m sorry, Mr Padalecki." He felt the Detective touching his shoulder lightly. "But it doesn’t look good for your friend."

"He wouldn’t," Jared stuttered. "I know him, he wouldn’t."

The woman sat down next to him. "That’s what I’ve been hearing plenty of times before in my career," she remarked, shaking her head sadly. "Family and friends of mass murders, all claiming that their loved one couldn’t hurt a fly and would never do such thing. But I’ve learned that there is a murderer in most of us and that there are certain occurrences that turn humans into monsters and make them do such things."

"Not Jensen," Jared said with determination. "He is no murderer."

"You should go home, Mr. Padalecki. You can’t help your friend anymore. The case is as good as solved."

She got up, leaving Jared alone, in panic and with troubled thoughts.

***

The admonition of his rights washed over Jensen, not really sinking in as his eyes were fixed on the three items Detective Rush had thrown on the table only minutes ago. One of Dean Winchester’s knives, smeared with blood, one of Jensen’s shirt, soaked with even more blood, and his diary. This must be a very bad nightmare, Jensen thought because it just couldn’t be real. The knife was nothing other than a very well done prop, and the shirt wasn’t really his. Because he had thrown his version of the shirt into the washing machine last night, and while it had been dirty and sweaty, it had definitely not been stained with Darren’s blood. And how had they found his diary?

"Mr Ackles," Detective Rush started, looking at him sternly. "You have been uncommonly cooperative from the beginning. I strongly advise you to confess. The evidence," she pointed at the shirt and knife, "speaks against you and if you cooperate with us now, we can help you."

"I didn’t kill Darren," Jensen breathed out with a shaky voice. "That knife is a prob and that shirt isn’t mine."

"Mr. Ackles," the detective said patiently. "We have countless witnesses stating that you wore this shirt yesterday. Your prints are on it, just as Darren Williams’ blood. This knife is everything but a prop. It’s the exact imitate of one of your character’s weapons, I don’t deny it, but it’s a real, deadly weapon. Like on the shirt, it’s undeniably Mr. Williams’ blood, there are your prints on it and the blade matches the stab wounds in his body. Besides," she now pointed at the diary, "this speaks volumes. You were in an abusive relationship with Mr. Williams and wanted out. And when you didn’t find a legal way out, you took more drastic measures. The severity and brutality how Mr. Williams was killed indicates a personal motive," she added matter-of-factly.

The lump in Jensen’s throat grew bigger and bigger until panic seemed to overpower him, choking him. "Please," Jensen said, "believe me. I didn’t -"

"Stop lying to all of us, Mr. Ackles. It’s over." Her voice was cold and cutting now. "You’ll be remanded in custody and will stay there until the trial. Don’t count on a bail," she said while taking the pieces of evidence and heading towards the door, "you’ll never be free again."

Shaking heavily, Jensen stared at the closed door and his world came crushing down.

***

Jared was still sitting in the waiting area, thumbing through an old, torn magazine and waiting for Detective Rush to come back from her interrogation with Jensen. When he finally spotted her, Jared jumped up. "Please, Detective," Jared called and he could hear her sigh even before he had reached her.

"Mr. Padalecki, I told you to go home." Jared didn’t miss the hint of annoyance in her words.

"I couldn’t. Could you go home if your best friend was arrested for murder?"

She snorted, shaking her head. "No, probably not. But you can’t do anything anymore, Mr. Padalecki."

Jared’s heart sank. That just couldn’t be. "Did he -"

"He didn’t confess, no. But the evidence speaks against him. Even without Mr. Ackles’ confession, we have enough to press charges," Detective Rush explained. "The murder weapon - an exact replica of one of the knives on set - had Mr. Williams’ blood and Mr. Ackles’ prints on it. The same counts for one of Mr. Ackles’ shirts that was badly hidden in his closet. And we found your friend’s diary with lots of precarious details about his and Mr. Williams’ relationship."

Diary? Since when had Jensen written a diary? And what precarious details was she talking about? Jared was dumbstruck, having found out something else he had not known about his best friend. What else had Jensen not told him? So many lies, so many unspoken truths. Yet, Jared was sure, Jensen was no murderer. He slowly realized though that things were looking bad for his friend. Really bad. "He is no murderer, Detective."

"I’m sorry, Jared, but he is," she shot back without hesitation and with unshakable determination. "Now, please go home. Mr. Ackles will be remanded to custody and stay there until the trail. There is nothing you can do for him."

Jared shook his head. There must be something. Anything. "Please," Jared begged, the desperation that slowly threatened to overpower Jared now audible in his voice. "You got to help me here. I’m sure you have the wrong man, I’m sure Jensen is innocent."

The Detective sighed heavily. "Listen, Jared. Mr. Ackles has no alibi, we found his prints on the evidence, and he had a very strong motive. The case is solved"

"Jensen wouldn’t kill someone because of a silly fight on set," Jared noted, frustration turning his voice loud and shrill. Darren’s and Jensen’s argument at lunch break yesterday had not even been a fight, just a heated discussion. "Things like this happen all the time."

"I agree, he probably wouldn’t in normal circumstances. But we’re not talking normal circumstances here. What we found out about his and Mr. Williams’ relationship is a matter of delicacy. What he did to Mr. Ackles would probably be enough for most people to kill, Mr. Padalecki."

Jared frowned and an uneasy feeling spread through his belly. What had the guy done to his best friend? "What are you talking about, Detective?"

"Sorry, I can’t tell you, Mr. Padalecki. That’s confidential information. Please, go home now," she said emphatically. "I know it’s hard to believe, but Jensen Ackles killed Darren Williams."

She gave him a little, sad smile before heading towards her office, closing the door firmly as if she wanted to show Jared that their conversation was over. Jared swallowed heavily. He tried hard to process the news, the horrible truth, but he just couldn’t believe it. Jensen might have had secrets and might have lied to him, but he was no murderer. And Jared would do everything in his power to prove it.

*

The story had already hit the news and the cab driver shook his head, mumbling something about fags being criminals either way and badmouthing about celebrities who thought they owned the world, obviously not knowing who his passenger was.

Jared tried to ignore it, but he just couldn’t, the anger inside him boiling stronger and stronger. Eventually, he yelled at the driver to keep his dirty mouth shut and quicker than Jared could say his last name, he found himself on some deserted pavement in Vancouver. He could call himself another cab, but he was only a few blocks away from his apartment, and maybe, the exercise would help him to calm down and sort his thoughts.

What had happened today was just too much, even for Jared. It was massive, affecting Jared in all facets of his life. He couldn’t really comprehend what it meant for all of them, most of all for Jensen. Right now, it was just too overwhelming and a part of Jared didn’t even want to think about it. About their friendship, the show, and about poor Jensen, being all alone in jail, facing trail for a crime he had not committed.

He had to prove that Jensen was not guilty. And if the cops couldn’t do it, he had to do it himself.

***

Tears stinging his eyes, Jensen stared at the handset, the sound of the disconnected line sounding mocking in his ears. He had wasted that one call he had, not calling the lawyer he so desperately needed, but his parents. His father had not listened, interrupting him after his hesitant "Hi Dad". The man who had raised him, who had been his role model in many ways, had told Jensen that he was no son of them any longer before hanging up, without any words of goodbye.

Jensen didn’t even know why he was that surprised. He knew his parents, knew what they thought about homosexuality, but he had been naive, hoping they would jump over their shadow to help their son who so desperately needed them right now. They hadn’t. Instead, they had abandoned Jensen, too ashamed of his way of life, too ashamed of what Jensen was accused of. It hurt like hell that the people who had given him his life, who had supported him throughout it, neither accepted his sexuality nor believed in his innocence.

"Mr. Ackles," Detective Rush said, pulling Jensen out of his dark thoughts for a moment. "Your time is over."

He hung up and turned around, facing the Detective and two cops he hadn’t seen before. "Officer Brown and Miller will take you to the closest detention center, Mr. Ackles." She stepped closer, and now Jensen saw them; the handcuffs that made the whole disaster so much more real, that really made him a prisoner. She fastened them quickly, not looking at Jensen, as if he didn’t deserve a bit of kindness anymore, now he was arrested for murder.

"I didn’t kill Darren," Jensen declared again, even though he knew that she didn’t believe him. Probably no one did believe him anymore. The evidence was just too damning and why should people believe his innocence after what they had learned about Jensen today?

In spite of the helplessness and desperation that overwhelmed Jensen, he held his head high as the officers led him out of the back door and into a car. There was a flurry of flashing cameras, hurting Jensen’s eyes as they slowly drove down the driveway and onto the street, but then they were gone and darkness encased Jensen completely, inside and outside.

***

It was too late to make calls when Jared finally arrived at home, but he spent a few hours on the computer, looking for both a criminal defense lawyer and a private investigator. If the cops couldn’t do their job properly, someone else had to do it, and Jared was ready to spare neither trouble nor expenses to help Jensen. Only once Jared had written down a few phone numbers of law firms and PIs who seemed to have an excellent reputation, did he finally go to bed.

He was drained after one of the most emotional and worst days of his live, but for a long time, Jared didn’t find any sleep. Looking for the most comfortable position in his big bed that was cold and empty with his wife, who had gone to visit her parents, Jared turned around, shifting his position, sliding back and forth, fluffing up his pillow. But no matter how he laid down his head, no matter how much his body longed for sleep, his mind didn’t let him rest. Jared’s thoughts were turning around the events of the day, coming back to Jensen again and again.

Jared had trouble to wrap his mind around what had happened, to completely process that his best friend was probably facing a lifelong sentence in prison for a crime he had not committed and that Jensen had carried around the secret of his sexuality for so many years. Why had Jensen never told him? Why had he not trusted Jared enough? Jared didn’t understand and he doubted himself. Maybe, he had not been such a good friend after all? Maybe, it had been partly his fault?

For a long time, Jared’s train of thoughts kept him awake, looking in vain for answers he never expected to find until at long last, Jared fell asleep, his dreams dark, full of blood, knives and murder victims.


	3. Chapter 3

****

#  **3**

Staring at his handcuffed wrists and nervously tapping with his feet, Jensen was sitting in a tiny room with gray walls, equipped with nothing other than a table and two chairs, waiting for a lawyer who wanted to see him. He had not called a lawyer, but maybe his agent or the network had sent him, eager to prove Jensen’s innocence and save his reputation.

After the worst day and night of his life, Jensen was on the edge of despair. Once the officers had delivered Jensen, a scarred, cruel looking jailer had commanded Jensen to don the convict’s uniform, beating him with a stick when Jensen had taken a little longer than normal to unbutton his shirt because his fingers had been shaking so badly. The strike had taken Jensen’s breath away and brought tears to his eyes, robbing him of his equilibrium for a moment. The man had laughed evilly, grabbing Jensen cruelly by his upper arm and tugging him down long aisles once Jensen had finally changed before throwing him into a cell.

His cell mate scared the shit out of Jensen; tall like Jared, twice as broad, his arms covered with countless dark tattoos, he had checked Jensen out from head to toe, smiling maliciously, laughing after Jensen had climbed up the stairs of the bunk bed and curling into one tight ball. "You can’t hide forever, pretty boy," he had snarled, letting his huge hands fall down on Jensen’s buttocks and squeezing the flesh. Although Jensen had been tired and exhausted, he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep, too scared that the guy might molest him, even though his snores had eventually filled the cell with a steady, wall shaking sound.

Jensen looked up when the door was unlocked, seeing a man in his forties who wore an expensive suit that really looked out of place here. "Jensen Ackles, my name is Adam Carter," he introduced himself as he put his black briefcase onto the table. "Jared Padalecki sends me."

Warmth spread through Jensen, warmth he hadn’t thought he could feel in this dark, cold place. Jared had not forgotten about him. "Is he good?" Yesterday’s events must have been hard for Jared too; Jensen’s coming out, his arrest, the accusations. Jensen couldn’t help but wonder how his friend was holding up and handling the situation.

"He’s more worried about you, Jensen," the lawyer answered, a little smile flitting over his face, "That’s why he called me. In spite of the damning evidence, he believes in your innocence and is determined to prove it."

A little smile curled Jensen’s lips. Jared really was a true friend. "How?"

"He wants to hire a PI and for all I know, he’s talking to one as we speak. He has a theory as of what might have happened, but we need your help to prove it, Jensen."

"Anything, Adam," Jensen said, feeling just a tiny bit of hope in his heart.

"He thinks someone wants you to frame for the crime, Jensen. Someone who wants to destroy you, who holds a grudge against you for something. Thing is, Jared can’t think about such a person. Can you?"

The theory made sense, would explain how his prints had gotten on the weapon and shirt, but wow. Who would do such a thing? Who would make such huge effort to ruin him? "Not spontaneously," Jensen replied truthfully. He was no angel, had probably pissed off some people in his life so far, but no one came to his mind who would do something like that.

Adam nodded. "Please think about it thoroughly, Jensen. No matter how long ago or how insignificant it seemed to be, it could be the key to solve the crime. Take your time until I come visit the next time. For now, just tell me exactly about the day before yesterday, especially the night and about your relationship with Darren Williams. Every tiny detail."

Jensen shuddered. He didn’t want to. Didn’t want to recall the scorn in Darren’s voice and the cruelty of his hands. Didn’t want to admit how weak and helpless he had felt every time Darren had fucked him senseless. Didn’t want to give account to why he had lied to everyone about his sexuality.

"Jensen, I know it’s hard," Adam added after Jensen had remained quiet for a while. "Very personal. But please keep in mind that every tiny detail could help you and that everything you tell me stays between you and I for the time being, unless I need it in court."

"Jared -" Jensen swallowed. He loved Jared, but he didn’t want him to know. Not now. Maybe, if this was over and Jensen was free again, he could tell him, but not now. Not like this.

"Jared doesn’t have to know about any of it," Adam promised, as if he could read Jensen’s mind and understand his worries.

"Okay." Jensen released a long, shaky breath. "I’m going to tell you everything."

Staring at his hands instead of Adam’s face, who would make a note once in a while, Jensen told the lawyer about his sexuality and his relationship with Darren, not leaving anything out.

***

"Let me summarize," the private investigator stated. "You believe in Jensen’s innocence, not only because you know he wouldn’t do such thing but also because it all seems too easy?"

"Exactly," Jared answered, taking a little mouthful of water. "Jensen is smart, Ally. Like I said, I don’t believe he did it, but if he did, he wouldn’t place the corpse in front of his own trailer or hide the weapon with Darren’s blood and his own prints beneath it. Neither would he throw a bloodstained shirt in a corner of his closet. He’d be more careful; using gloves, disposing the body, throwing the knife and shirt away so that no one could find it. No real murderer would be so careless," Jared noted with determination. "Besides, I was with Jensen when we found out about Darren’s death. He was confused, and yes, he was scared, but not because he had done it, but because he knew that his secret would be revealed. And," Jared added after a short pause, "he agreed to tell the cops everything, Ally. He didn’t hesitate, didn’t ask our driver to take him home so that he could dispose of the shirt or hide his diary. He didn’t even ask me to give him an alibi. He knew he might be in trouble, but he didn’t conjure up silly excuses."

The young woman’s eyes moved between her notes and Jared until eventually, she nodded. "I agree with you, Jared. Something is odd. Do you know if they found any other evidence with Jensen’s belongings? Blood on the shoes he wore or in his car? On his pants? Anything like that?"

Jared shrugged. "No. Detective Rush wouldn’t tell me. She only mentioned the knife and the shirt."

"Adam and I will talk to Detective Rush about this. We also have to ask the forensics if they found any traces of a burglary in Jensen’s place. If someone else placed a copy of Jensen’s shirt in his apartment, they might have left traces. We have to analyze the CCTV camera in his apartment building and check his finances. We have to dig deep, Jared and we might find out things you won’t like."

Jared bit his lips. He had found out a lot of things about his friend lately he didn’t particularly like and he didn’t feel comfortable to pry around and to dig deeper, but it was a necessary evil to help Jensen. "I know and I don’t like it. Jensen won’t like it either, but it beats the alternative of him rotting in prison for the rest of his life for a crime he hadn’t committed."

"We might find out that he is guilty after all, Jared," Ally hinted softly.

"No, we won’t. He isn’t." Jared was surprised how convinced he was about Jensen’s innocence. He didn’t blame people to doubt his friend, but despite all the lies and evidence, despite his own doubts at the beginning, Jared was sure Jensen was no murderer. "Jensen is no murderer, Ally. I’ve known him for seven years now. Sure, he kept things secret, important things, but he never was violent or cruel. He’s always tried to solve problems with words, not with weapons. He’s a good guy."

She smiled. "I trust your judgment, Jared. So, we better start to work. Time is ticking away."

"How can I help?" Jared asked, eager to do more than paying for Ally’s service. "I need to do something," Jared added before the young woman could object. "I just can’t sit on my hands and do nothing."

"Talk to people, Jared," Ally suggested after a moment of silence she used to think about Jared’s offer. "His family, his friends, your co-stars and crew. Try to find out who might hold such a big grudge against Jensen."

Talking was something Jared could do. "Okay, so where do I start?"

"Make a list, Jared, of his friends, acquaintances and family. Start with his folks and oldest or closest friends and work it off. Write down everything that seems odd. Meanwhile, I’ll meet up with Adam Carter. He’s one of the best, Jared. Jensen is in good hands with him."

Something like hope flickered weakly in Jared’s heart as he realized that he could do something to help Jensen, something other than engaging and paying for a lawyer and PI. It made him feel less helpless and useless.

The moment Ally left his place, Jared took a pad of paper and wrote a list with every friend and family he could think of.

The first name on the list was Jared’s own. For hours, he walked down memory lane, remembering countless chats with Jensen about his past, about his friends, about things he had experienced. It made Jared smile, would even bring a tear to his eye once in a while, but it didn’t hold the key to finding Jensen’s enemy. Above all things, it made Jared realize one thing; he didn’t know everything about his best friend after all, especially not about the time before they met.

Sighing heavily, he took his cell and called Jensen’s parents.

The call was very unpleasant. It was Donna who answered the phone, telling Jared coolly that they neither could nor wanted to help the man who had once been their son. She didn’t want to hear any of Jared’s arguments, interrupting Jared quickly, insisting on Jared to never bother them again. "Our son is dead, Jared, and we don’t want to deal with someone who disagrees with us," she spit out bitterly before hanging up.

The words struck Jared heavily. How could Donna say something like this and worst of all, actually do it? Abandon her own flesh and blood? The boy she had delivered in hours of long, painful labor? Sure, lying to them had not been a minor thing, but it was Jensen they were talking about. Jensen, who had always helped, always supported his folks. He didn’t deserve it.

Donna’s reaction had shocked Jared greatly and disheartened him a little, but he wouldn’t give up that fast. Hopefully, not everyone was thinking that badly about Jensen. Certainly, someone else would be around and eager to help.

*

Hours later, Jared’s neck hurt from making so many calls and his legs were stiff from sitting at his desk for such a long time and taking notes. Thankfully, most people Jared could get a hold of had been more cooperative than Donna. Most were shocked about the news and not really determined that Jensen had killed a man, despite the evidence. But no one had been able to help besides listening to Jared and promising him to think about it and call him back if something came to their mind. No one remembered someone who had hated Jensen so much that he would do such thing.

"Fuck," Jared exclaimed after disconnecting his call with Jason, definitely feeling disheartened now. He had had such high hopes for that call, but the musician hadn’t been able to help. Even Jason, who had known Jensen for much longer than Jared, hadn’t known about Jensen being gay and most of all, couldn’t name anyone who was capable of committing such a crime. Yet, the call had helped Jared. It had helped him to share and to realize that he wasn’t alone. Just like Jared, Jason had pushed this own disappointment about Jensen’s lies away, understanding that getting their friend out of trouble was more urgent and important than nursing his hurt ego.

"Fuck," Jared said again, rubbing his tired eyes and massaging his hurting left shoulder with his right hand. It was almost 10 pm; too late for calling strangers and asking them about Jensen’s past. He had to take a break, a shower and a good nights sleep and continue tomorrow.

***

Jensen closed his eyes and bit his lips, knowing that no one would hear his screams and even if they did, they didn’t care. Other than Darren, his cell mate who called himself Big C, didn’t talk while ramming his huge cock bareback into Jensen’s entrance again and again. It was much worse. Like a maniac, he laughed in between his moans, and with every laugh, he punched Jensen into his kidneys, hard and merciless, until Jensen’s face was wet with tears and his sheets were smeared with his blood, so hard had he dug his nails into his palms.

When the torture was finally over, when Big C had climbed down into his own small bed, Jensen finally opened his eyes. Feeling dirty and stained about what had just happened, he looked at his scratched palms, praying that someday soon, this torture would end.


	4. Chapter 4

# 4

Jared was at his wits end. Three days had passed, he had talked to almost everyone on his long list and no one had really been able or willing to help him. Jensen’s siblings had ignored his calls, probably thinking as low of their brother as their parents, and some of Jensen’s older friends had told Jared straightforward that they wouldn't want to have anything to do with Jensen anymore. The only shimmer of light at that dark horizon was that the forensics neither had found traces of blood on Jensen’s other clothes nor in his car which supported their theory that someone planted the evidence on Jensen.

Helplessly, Jared now was staring at the notes he had taken in the past few days. It wasn’t much. Some names of old acquaintances who might know something, and a name of a suspect Jared had already crossed out after Ally had found out that the guy - someone Jensen had supposedly met in his early LA days - had died over a year ago.

He was just contemplating what he should do now, absently rubbing his temples where a light headache was creeping up, when his phone was ringing.

"Hello?" Jared answered after glancing at the display, reading an unknown number.

_"I’ve heard you’re asking question about Jensen,"_ an unknown, deep male voice stated. It was muffled, as if the caller wanted to hide his identity. _"I can help you."_

"Who are you?"

_"A friend,"_ the man answered, laughing coldly. It gave Jared the creeps. _"You have to go back to where it started, Jared. Find Kyle. He can tell you a damn lot about your buddy."_

Even before Jared could ask anything, the call was disconnected. Confused, Jared stared at the now dark display of his cell. Kyle. He had never heard Jensen talking about someone named Kyle. And what did the guy mean with going back to where it started? Back to Dallas? Back to LA? Where had it started? What was it? Maybe he should ask Jensen himself? But visiting day at the detention center was four days away and Jared didn’t want to wait that long. Time was too precious at the moment.

Without hesitating much longer, he called Ally and booked a flight to Texas for the next day.

***

The air was ice cold when Jensen stepped into the prison courtyard, but it was better than the disgusting smell of unwashed bodies inside. Slowly, he limped down towards one of the few benches, avoiding eye contact with his inmates. His whole body was hurting. Not only had Jensen had a few more encounters with Big Cs huge cock and brutal hands, but also another collision with guard Walker’s baton which he used gratuitously, just because he could.

Not even a week had passed since his arrest, yet Jensen felt as if he had aged a few years. He hadn’t slept properly, was suffering from stomach cramps because he couldn’t endure the mess they served as food and his whole body was one big bruise, from neck to towe. Above all, he felt restless and anxious. Adam’s question had occupied him day in, day out, but he hadn’t found an answer yet and the uneventful daily routine, as much as his dreary surroundings, drained Jensen. Life in prison was hopeless and felt a little darker every morning.

"Please Jared," he whispered, just loud enough for his own ears to hear. "Help me out of here."

***

Light was seeping through the closed curtains and the squeals of kids sounded too bright in his ear as Jared walked down the paved footpath leading to Josh Ackles’ front door. He hated to invade Jensen’s brother like this, coming unannounced and probably being unwelcome, but this was for a much greater good. Without hesitation, Jared rang the bell, and only a few moments later, the door was opened by Josh himself.

"Jared," he said, his eyes widened with surprise. "What -"

"Josh, please don’t send me away," Jared cut in impatiently, sounding more desperate than he felt right now. "I need your help. Jensen needs your help."

He sighed. "Jared, I can’t -"

Jared brushed the comment away before Josh had even finished it. "Sure you can. He’s your brother for god’s sake," Jared snarled. "Did you forget what he did for you?"

The older man looked shamefaced. "No, of course not. But it isn’t that easy."

Jared snorted. What a lame excuse. "It is, Josh. Jensen might not have done the right thing with lying to all of us, but he is in trouble now and he needs help. That’s the only thing that should matter right now."

A play of emotions danced over Josh’s features until eventually, he sighed. "Okay then, come on in."

He opened the door enough for Jared to slip through and led him into his office, his wife’s eyes following them curiously. "What can I help you with?" he asked, sitting down at the small sofa and offering Jared a seat with a little gesture, too.

"I believe Jensen in innocent and I want to prove it. I have this theory that Jensen pissed someone off and that this someone wants to take revenge by ruining him."

Now it was Josh who snorted. "My brother pissed a lot of people off when he was young, Jared."

Jared frowned. He hadn’t expected that. "What do you mean?"

"Jensen was everything but a choir boy when he was in High School, Jared. He’d get in trouble more often than not, about girls and pranks and stuff, mostly wriggling out of the affair so that someone else had to take the blame. Same like now, just the other way round."

Ally had warned Jared that he might find out unpleasant things. Yet, now it happened, it made him feel uneasy and once more he couldn’t help but wonder if he really knew Jensen. He wanted to ignore it, for Jensen’s sake, and push the information away, never to dig it out again, but the picture of a not-so-nice Jensen was already burned into his mind. Jared swallowed hard.

"I know it’s hard to believe, Jared. But the man Jensen is now is a very different version of the teenager Jensen used to be."

"Do you know any names, Josh? Maybe someone named Kyle?"

Josh shook his head no. "Never heard of it. But you have to understand that I was already in college when Jensen went to High School. I neither did know my brother’s friends nor his enemies."

"Is there anyone or anything that might help me find out, Josh?" Jared asked, clinging onto this hope like a drowning man would cling to his lifebelt.

"His diaries might."

*

Almost a day later, Jared was impatiently waiting in his hotel room for Josh to return. He had offered to drive over to his parents while they were at church and get some of Jensen’s old things - including his yearbooks and diaries. Jared hated the fact that he had to snoop around in something as private as his friend’s diaries, but he had to it if he wanted to find out the truth.

Earlier, Josh had also sent his sister over, but while Mackenzie had been cooperative, even making stupid apologies for not calling back, she had not been able to help Jared. She had been too young when Jensen went to High School and had been unaware of her brother’s doings.

Those diaries and yearbooks were Jared’s only hope now.

*

Sweating heavily, Josh pushed the hotel room door open, carrying a huge box that looked as heavy as a baby elephant. "Everything’s in there," he announced after placing it in the middle of the room. "Jensen’s diaries, his yearbooks, even a couple of love letters." He snickered.

"Won’t your parents miss these things, Josh?" Jared asked, staring at the huge box skeptically.

"No. It was in the furthest removed corner of the attic and barely anyone goes up there, man. They probably don’t even remember it exists."

"Good. Don’t want you to get into trouble."

The older man shrugged. "I won’t. Besides, my parents don’t care any longer. In their eyes, there is only Mac and me now. For them, Jensen never existed." Sadness changed his features. "So um, good luck, Jared. To you and to Jensen."

Sadness ripped Jared apart hearing Josh’s words. "It doesn’t have to be like this, Josh. You could help."

"No. I can’t. There’s nothing I can do for my brother anymore. Take good care of him, Jared."

Josh left, without looking back, leaving Jared alone with a heap of his best friend’s memories, memories Jared didn’t really want to read, being scared what they might reveal.

***

Visitor’s day was almost over and Jared hadn’t come. No one had come for Jensen. He had been sitting in the bare, uncomfortable common room, reading a tattered book, hoping for a guard to call his name, but nothing happened.

It hurt like hell. The prospect of seeing Jared again, talking to him and just feeling his presence had given Jensen strength in the past days, had made him bite his teeth together when Walker had beaten him or Big C had raped him. Now though, as his friend had not come, Jensen felt the desperation stronger than ever before. How he could go on like this, he didn’t know.

"Jensen Ackles," the guard - Myers was his name - called. Joy spread through Jensen’s body, and as fast as his beaten body allowed, he got up, following the jailer down a small hallway and into a room that looked exactly like the common room’s twin.

A little smile ghosted over Jensen's face as he let his eyes glide over the room, looking for his friend. His face though changed into a mask of misery when he only spotted an unfamiliar, young woman sitting alone at a table, looking at him curiously.

"I’m Ally Dawson," she said after Jensen had hesitantly come closer, "the PI Jared hired."

Jensen sighed sadly. The woman seemed nice and smart, but she wasn’t his best friend and he just couldn’t manage to hide his disappointment.

"I see I’m not who you hoped I’d be, Jensen. Jared wanted to come himself, but he flew to Dallas a few days ago"

Jensen furrowed his brow. "Dallas? What’s he doing there?"

"Investigating," the woman answered, though not offering any more information.

Jensen didn’t like this. What if Jared found out something about his past? The less glorious times of Jensen’s life? It would probably scare Jared away for good, if what he had done so far - lying to him about his sexuality and being accused of homicide - had not been enough.

"He believes that someone set this up to ruin you, Jensen," Ally continued, "and he’s following some information he got. Do you know anyone named Kyle?"

"Kyle?" Sure, he had heard the name before, but he couldn’t really put a face to it, wasn’t even sure if he actually had known someone named Kyle. At least not well. None of his friends was named Kyle, none of his acquaintances or workmates. "No, I don’t think so."

Ally looked skeptical but didn’t ask any further. "I understand that Adam told you about Jared’s theory and asked you to think about people who might hold a grudge against you. Can you think about anyone, Jensen?"

Jensen had thought about this question again and again, but without success. Sure, he had been a bastard, an asshole, even sort of a bully in High School, not being popular with a lot of people, but he couldn’t really imagine that anyone of them would do something like this. "No one."

"Time’s up," one of the guards announced with a booming voice.

"Really? No one?" Ally looked frustrated. "Please Jensen, every tiny detail might help."

"I’m sorry," Jensen said, feeling as frustrated as Ally looked. "I can’t remember anything or anyone."

"Try harder, Jensen," she said while getting up, before the guard could get over and throw her out. "There must be someone, something you did or something that happened that made someone do this. Try to remember."

Jensen tried to remember the whole night, but while he dug out a lot of unpleasant memories, not one seemed significant enough to be the one memory they were so desperately looking for.


End file.
